Such a Lover

Rusty,

It's almost your first birthday. I can't believe it! I feel like this year has just flown by. Why are the funnest years always the fastest? I have loved every minutes that I've had with you and can't wait to see what the future holds for you. I know it's going to be great. One of the things I love the most about watching you is the way you love everyone around you. You are constantly hugging your siblings and your friends, trying to wiggle in for more snuggle time, and just soaking up all the love we can give you. Sometimes when I have to wake you up I sneak into the room and then quietly lean over and kiss you on the cheek repeatedly. You love it. You lay there with your eyes closed but a big smile spreads across your face. It's adorable.

You love balls so much! Hayden has a ball pit at her house and you just love to sit in it and throw the balls all over the place. After you have had your fill of throwing balls you lay on your belly and just roll around in them.

You are the most independent baby I've ever met. You follow the big kids outside and you just go about your business playing and having fun. You are confident in yourself and the fact that if you need us we are just a sad face away.

I can't wait until your party. It's going to be a big one! Mommy has been busy planning up a storm. I'll give you a hint.... there's going to be a ball pit!

Love you!
Mommy

all boy

Russell,
You are all boy. It is so fun to watch you play in the mud, follow the big boys around with sticks, and chase after balls. You absolutely love to be involved with everything the others are doing. You also love playing catch. You would throw the ball all day long as long as someone threw it back to you. Sometimes you want to play and we aren't looking. You throw the ball anyway and we get whacked in the head with a big rubber ball. It's pretty funny.
You're saying words but not really knowing that you're saying them. You've said your name before but you haven't said it a second time. I think you're just experimenting with making sounds and getting really lucky. I know when you start talking you're going to have a lot to say though because right now you just grunt all day long. Whenever you see something you want you point to it and say "pss, pss, pss" as quick as you can until we figure out what it is that you want. Normally, it's a cookie or food of some sort. Once it was a giant sandwich on a sign at Walmart and we had to buy sandwich supplies to make you one when we got home.
You are so fast these days. You practically run around the house. It's really cute to see your short little body zipping around the house.
You got your first haircut to get ready for your baby dedication at the church. You did an amazing job sitting still the whole time. We gave you a sucker to distract you and it worked like a charm. Although when you ate the sucker down to the stick I took it away and threw the stick in the garbage. You were so upset. You started crying and then you just stood by the garbage staring into it until the stylist laughed and gave you another sucker. 
You have a fake cry. You use it when you are not getting your way. It is the funniest cry. You literally just scrunch up your nose and make a " aheh aheh aheh" sound. It doesn't even come close to sounding like a real cry. Grandma says if you aren't careful it will turn into a laugh. It always makes us laugh when you try to use it.
I love you little man.
Mommy

Costume Guy

Dear Hunter,
You haven't been sleeping well for a long time. I've seen it in the dark circles under your eyes and in your behavior lately. You told us a few times that you have been having bad dreams or that you lay awake at night when we're all sleeping. We didn't really know how much to read into it and just kept reassuring you that everything was ok. Well, last night it all came out.

You were afraid of the Easter Bunny climbing through your window and stealing you. You told us that Uncle Wade told you about that. We had you call Uncle Wade and talk to him about it. Uncle Wade has no recollection of what you're talking about but he did a good job talking to you on the phone about it. Then we went upstairs and I showed you how your windows lock.You said you still didn't want to sleep by the window so you moved to Rusty's part of the bed and slept next to Kaylee.

As I was turning out the lights we had a little talk about the Easter Bunny. I kept telling you that he wasn't real and that we were pretending and you kept telling me that you knew it was a costume guy. Then it finally made sense... You thought a man in a bunny costume was going to climb up the house, through your window and steal you!

After we understood what you were scared of we were able to have a long conversation. Turns out you thought Mommy and Daddy had been letting in some strange man dressed up like a bunny to fill up your Easter Baskets every year. We explained to you that we buy your presents and hide them in the closet and then after you fall asleep we fill your baskets up. You were so thrilled. It was the best news you had ever gotten!

Daddy came upstairs and was talking to you about it too, and this time Connor was in the room. Connor asked, "Wait... what about the pajama fairy?!"

You were so excited that Mommy and Daddy were the Easter Bunny, Pajama Fairy, and Santa that you closed your eyes and sighed happily as Daddy left the room.

Daddy and I had a good laugh about the whole ordeal. Suddenly your fear of costumes makes a lot of sense. I'm sorry you've been so afraid. I'm glad we could relieve some of that fear for you. Just so you know.... Mommy would be pretty scared if a strange man came into the house dressed as a bunny too!

I love you!
Mommy

Olympia

Dear Kaylee,
Cousin Jessica had her baby shower last week and you came to Olympia with us. You were so excited! You counted down the wake ups until we left and on the morning of we couldn't get in the car fast enough. You loved the hotel. You were the most impressed with the hotel breakfast. I think you get that from your father. Grandma had bought you new outfits for our weekend trip and you looked adorable all weekend long. You even asked Uncle Kerry if he thought you were beautiful and were thrilled when he responded appropriately. We watched Frozen three times in the car. It was enough that Grandma couldn't fall asleep when we got home because she had the song stuck in her head! You would ask us to turn it up every time a song came on because you loved singing along with the movie, and we obliged because you do have an adorable singing voice. I'm glad you got to come with us on this trip. Thanks for making it so memorable!
I love you,
Mommy

The first presentation

Dear Connor and Hunter,

You had your first presentation at school last month. It was so adorable. We had the option of doing individual projects or a family project so we chose to do a family project. We spent several weeks reading Roald Dahl books and we made a poster board presentation about Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and the BFG.

On the way to the presentation you were so nervous. There were tears. Hunter did not want to do it at all. Connor was getting anxious. I just kept reassuring you. There were about 10 kids in our group that were presenting. Everyone had their parents there to watch. It was a big crowd for you two.

You watched a few other kids present and it built Connor's confidence enough that when asked who would like to go next Connor threw his hand up in the air. Hunter was mortified. You went up there and got off to a slow start but after a minute the two of you just took off. You were taking turns telling all the juicy details of the books and everything you'd learned about Roald Dahl. You were coaxing each other to tell the audience more. You were making everyone laugh. Your presentation, in my opinion, was the very best.

After the presentation we went out for donuts. It was a super fun morning and I can't wait until next years! 


Love,
Mommy

He's a walker!

Dear Rusty,

My goodness you are growing up so fast! You are officially walking. You walk all over the house and you are so proud of yourself. You took your first step at 8 1/2 months. It was fun watching you figure out how to walk. Every day you took a few more steps. Now you practically run around this house. Nothing gets in your way. Heaven forbid we leave a gate open and you are racing for it. You love to climb the stairs and are really fast at it. We're trying to teach you to come down but you are still working on it.

You eat so much. I don't know where you fit it. You always have a mouth full of food and both hands loaded for the next bite. You eat everything! Well, you hate pickles. I gave you a pickle one day and it made you very angry. It was really funny.

You are just the cutest little boy in the world. That red hair, those blue eyes, and that mouth full of teeth... I just can't get enough. We kiss you all the time and as a result you kiss us all the time. We love it but we have to brace ourselves for the drool because there is a lot of drool involved in one of your kisses!

You want to talk. You say this, all done, and bye bye. Of course you say Da Da. We won't go in to how crazy it drives me that you won't say Mommy. hee hee.

You sleep in bed with Daddy and I. You actually aren't near the bed hog that your siblings were although I would like you to move to your crib soon. We almost had you there until Mommy got sick and then it was just easiest for Daddy to throw you in bed with him and we haven't started the transition back yet. Although, you are protesting bed time in a major way right now. Arching the back, crying, screaming...You may find yourself in your crib crying it out for awhile if you don't give up the fight pretty soon. Who am I kidding. You'd cry in your crib for a whole minute and I'd probably rescue you.

I love you so much- every little thing about you....love.
Mommy

Mean Mommy

Dear Bubbas,

It has been a pretty awful couple of months around here. It started when Mommy stopped taking her anxiety medication. I had several reasons for doing so. All of which at the time seemed legit. I lasted almost three months before it started to hit. I fought Grump for a long time. Except, I was losing the battle- daily. It got to the point where I couldn't keep it together anymore and I went to the doctor to get my medication. Unfortunately, you kids take the brunt of my anxiety outbursts. I thought I was doing pretty well not taking it out on you until one day when I said, "Mommy doesn't feel good so I need you to be quiet and play nice while I rest with Rusty."

Hunter responded, "Oh good. I'm glad. You haven't been very nice to us lately."

In the moment I was so mad at Hunter. Sighing and rolling my eyes I went to rest. Then just a couple hours later I found myself in the Emergency Room getting told I needed an appendectomy. I ended up being in the hospital for 6 days. All I could think about when I was in the hospital was what Hunter said. The day after my surgery my blood pressure was really low and I wasn't doing very well. I kept praying to God," Don't let it end like this. I can do better. I don't want to be remembered as mean mommy. Let me get it right first."

Well, it was a pretty awful road to recovery but we've been playing coin battle and cards together. Every day we get along a little bit better. I'm back on my anxiety medication and don't have any intentions of ever coming off it. I never want anything to get in the way of my being able to show you how loved you are again.

Through this whole miserable mess of a year I think I've come to the conclusion that we can always do better. We're never going to "get it right". Thank you God for knowing that and sending Jesus to pay the price for us. His grace and mercy are undeserved and never ending. There will be times in this family where one or all of us needs undeserved grace and mercy from each other and my hope is that we are a family that will give it abundantly.

I love you so much. I always love you- even on my darkest days. Thank You for loving me too.
XOXO
Mommy