Tower

Dear Kaylee,

I'm still giggling about last night this morning so I thought I should tell you about it. Last night we got home from the gym and you were allowed to go downstairs and play while the boys showered for school the next day. You asked if I wanted to help you build a castle.

We sat down together and you built a castle. Every time I tried to put a block on the castle you took it right off and said, "No, that doesn't go there."

I'm pretty sure I was of no help because I kept choosing the wrong places to put the blocks. You loved your creation and were not finished by the time bed time came. I told you to pick up the blocks and put them away which was the moment you burst into tears. Through sobs I could barely make out you trying to explain to me that you weren't done with your castle yet, and that this was not a creation you were going to be able to replicate again. We agreed to let you leave your castle up over night so you could finish it in the morning.

To me it looked like blocks. To Daddy it was an amazing creation! He came downstairs after tucking everyone in and he said, "WHOA! Who built that?!" I told him how I helped build the castle. He made several comments about how great it was and then promptly got the camera to take pictures of it. I love how differently your Daddy and I see things. Hopefully, between the two of us we'll be able to catch all the important moments of your childhood, including the castles that are of such quality they can't be replicated.

I love you!
Mommy

Preschool Graduation

Dear Connor and Hunter,

You were so darn cute tonight! I can't even describe in words how you made my heart melt.

We've been building up graduation in this house for about a month now. We made special invites, reserved a room at Round Table Pizza, and marked our calendars.  You would both tease me about how you were going to sing me the song early and ruin the surprise but then you'd laugh and run away- there was no way you were actually going to ruin the surprise!

Today finally came and you were ready! Connor was up and at them first thing this morning asking if it was time yet. We went to preschool and you rehearsed with your class and as soon as I picked you up Connor ran out of the room and made sure I knew that we had to be back by 5 'o clock! We had to get haircuts on the way home, which you weren't happy about but you tolerated for your special night. You even wanted to sleep in your jeans for nap time so you could wake up ready to go.

We stopped at the store and bought flowers for you to give your teachers when they gave you your bible, which didn't work out like we planned because your teachers weren't the ones calling your names and handing out bibles, but the flowers eventually got to your teachers. You love picking out presents and surprising people.

Watching you sing was so hilarious. You are both polar opposites. Hunter was very serious. He took his time on the moves, made sure he sang loud at all the right times, and had a straight face the whole time. Connor was the little actor. Over exaggerating the moves, smiling three times the size he normally does. He even blew kisses to the crowd when the performance was over. Your songs were so cute. I could tell you had practiced a lot because you both did a fantastic job!

Kaylee was very proud. She kept telling me, "MOMMY! THERE'S MY BOYS!"

She also would whisper to cousin Kennedy, "That's my brother Connor," "That's my brother Hunter."
 
She watched all your songs, singing quietly to herself and trying to do the hand motions you were doing. She sure does think the world of you two, which only proves what outstanding big brothers you are.

We went to pizza afterwards with our family and you ran around playing the video games and teasing Uncle Stu about spankin's. Apparently, you don't just get them on your birthday anymore- graduation is a valid reason for spanks! Daddy held Uncle Stu down for a few seconds while Connor and Kaylee got some swats in, so justice was served!

You were full of energy tonight and your smiles were so big all night I'm pretty sure your cheeks hurt right now. I'm so proud of you! You've done such an excellent job in school already and you're growing up to be such wonderful boys. Thank you for such a fun night!

I love you,
Mommy

Kindergarten Orientation

Dear Connor and Hunter,

It was such an incredibly long morning. I can't even describe how many deep breaths I had to take. We were just leaving for preschool and I was telling you that I had to pick you up early because we had to go to Kindergarten Orientation today. You began asking questions instantly....

What time are you coming?
How many minutes is that?
Will we miss snack?
Will we miss play time outside?
Where is the Kindergarten?
Do we ever get to go to preschool again?
Didn't you say we were going to do Kindergarten at home?

After all the questions had been answered there was about 30 seconds of silence before the hysteria began. Connor just started bawling. Hunter started yelling at me. The conversation was happening faster than I could think, and I was really struggling to keep up with both of you. For the sake of easy reading, I'll write the statements in different colors. Connor-green, Hunter-blue, Mommy-red.

It's going to be 10 + 10 +10 + 10 + 10 +10?
What?  What's going to be 10 +10
We're just going to have to go to Kindergarten and then GO TO SLEEP! THAT'S IT!
Who said anything about going to sleep? 
That's how many minutes until you come get us? 
Come get you from where, we're going together to the orientation. 
YOU SAID WE WERE DOING SCHOOL AT HOME NEXT YEAR! 
We are, but we're going to take some classes at the school to make friends, like Karate. 
You won't pick me up, WAAAAAAAA!
Of course I'm going to pick you up. 
 WHY CAN'T YOU TEACH US KARATE?!
I DON'T KNOW KARATE! 
I dont' know anyone there. 
You'll make new friends. 
No. My friends are at preschool. 
THEN I JUST WON'T TAKE KARATE! I WANT TO HAVE SNACK! 
We'll get a snack when the orientation is over. 
NOT FROM PRESCHOOL! 
How will we know what our friends at preschool ate for snack? 
I don't know. I don't know. I DON'T KNOW! 

Finally, we were at preschool. Connor sulked into the building. Hunter stomped into the building. I warned your teachers that you were upset. A little over an hour later I picked you up to go to orientation. You seemed to be in a better mood, very relaxed. Until we got to the car. Connor spent most of the car ride to MCP just listening to Hunter yell at me. Honestly, I was in such shock I didn't really know how to handle it. 

You never think about Ashlynn. 
Honey, what about Ashlynn. 
I'll never see her again! 
We still have 4 days of preschool left, preschool graduation, and an end of the year party that you'll see Ashlynn at. 
NO! YOU JUST SAY, NO ASHLYNN!
I only said that at your birthday party because Mommy and Daddy can't afford to have a party for everyone in your class, and we feel it's best to only invite boys if the whole class can't come. 
 You never let me do anything I want. 
Would you have preferred if we didn't have a birthday party at all? 
YOU'RE CANCELING MY BIRTHDAY PARTY TOO?! 
Connor, your birthday isn't for another year, I'm talking about the one we already had. 
YOU'RE JUST GOING TO SAY NO TO ASHLYNN ALL THE TIME!
I promised you we would have an end of the year party and that we would invite Ashlynn and we're going to. I'll have Daddy make the invitations tonight and you can hand them out at school on Friday. 
I DON'T THINK YOU'LL REALLY INVITE HER. 
I SAID I WOULD AND I WILL! IF YOU KEEP THROWING THIS TANTRUM WE'LL HAVE NO PARTY! 
WAAAAA, NO PARTY NOW?! 

Finally, we arrived at the school. As we were getting out of the car Connor asked if Kaylee got to come too. I explained that Kaylee was too little and that you had to be 5 years old to go to Kindergarten and that she would stay with me. 

WAAAAAA!!!! I'm NOT too little! I'm taller see?! I grew! I want to go too! 

It took me another five mintues to talk Kaylee down and make her feel good about being three and convince her that she's going to have a great time at Preschool next year. 

Connor walked slowly into the building, Hunter stomped, Kaylee sulked, and I waddled, defeated.    
The next few minutes went pretty quick as we got on our name tags and split up. 

I didn't see you again for about 40 minutes. You two were on your scavenger hunt and Kaylee and I were learning about what subjects I need to teach you at home and what curriculum the school library already has, what we need to buy, etc. 

When we reconnected you were excited to show me that you had stars on all the spots for the scavenger hunt. You even showed me the miniature candy bar you won! When we got to the car your excitement just started spilling out. You were both excited about the Karate class. You saw kids in the class practicing their moves and you for sure want to take Karate next year. You also thought the painting class looked pretty fun. You like the area where they have lunch even though it's a bit of a walk away. Overall, you were very impressed with the school. Connor even said he thought it would be fun. I felt relieved, so relieved that you wouldn't be stressed all summer. I felt happy, incredibly happy that you were happy and that it was a good time for you. I felt irritated, almost to tears, that we had such a rough morning for nothing- WHY DON'T YOU JUST TRUST ME?! Ugh. I'm sure I did this to my mom and your kids will eventually do it to you- which actually makes me feel a little better about how the morning went, knowing it comes around full circle. 

I love you so much. I know next year is going to be full of changes, but they'll be good changes. Preschool was scary too, and we survived. We survived and we loved it. So just imagine how much fun this next adventure will be...

XOXO, 
Mommy

The last time you were both this upset at the same time... I remember being so overwhelmed I just started laughing and I went to get the camera to document the moment. You were 8 weeks old. =0)

 

She's a sweeetie pie, and a princess

Dear Kaylee,

You have been making us all laugh so much lately just by being your cute little self. You have so much personality. You sing a lot these days. You sing about what you're doing, what you're getting ready to do, and you sing all about yourself. Your most popular song goes...

"I'm a sweetie pie, and a princess, and I'm cuuuute!"

You will argue anything. Absolutely anything. If I say, "Come here cutie pie" you say "I'm not a cutie pie, I'm a sweetie pie!"

You like to say, "well actually" a lot.

You copy a lot of what you see Mommy do, which can be a good thing but there are a few things Mommy has noticed she needs to change about herself. For example, I've never had the best patience on the road with other drivers. Lately you've been saying, "C'mon guy! Ugh. Sigh. C'mon!"

You also like to let me know what color the light is. "It's green Mom. It's GREEN!"

You have your brothers wrapped around your little fingers. They will do anything for you. The other day you couldn't find your shoes and you broke down crying. Connor was trying to figure out what was wrong and so you told him through sobs that you couldn't find your shoes. He replied the same way he'd heard me reply so many times, "Kaylee you need to put your shoes in the closet so we can find them easier." This instantly made you more furious and you screamed, "JUST FIND THEM!"
Connor and Hunter both jumped up and began frantically searching for your shoes. As I was talking to you about how you need to talk nicely to people and how nobody wants to be screamed at that way Connor came bursting into the room with your shoes in hand. It's awful hard to explain to you that screaming and yelling is not the way to get what you want when your brothers jump to your every command.

You may like to argue and yell when you're frustrated but you are also the sweetest little girl in the world. I have never gotten so many random kisses as I do from you. You love your brothers something fierce too. Last week they went fishing for the entire day and it was almost too much for you to handle. You kept asking, "when are my boys going to come home?"

You had been sleeping in your own bed so well until they went fishing for the day. When they came home you would not leave their side. You crawled into bed with them and snuggled in the middle of your bigger brothers.

You think the boys are so funny. When you're playing outside I can hear them making jokes and you are just giggling like crazy, which only fuels them to make even more jokes.

You are starting to get really excited about the baby, but you are very concerned about the amount of poop the baby will produce. You keep reminding me that babies poop. I keep reminding you that babies wear diapers and so it's not going to be a big deal.

You tell me all the time that you are officially a big sister now. Two days ago you told the doctor that this baby would be a little boy, baby Rusty but the next baby would be a girl. I told you that I didn't think there would be a next baby and offered to get you a kitty in the future instead. You immediately replied, "I don't want a kitty." You're going to have so much fun with the baby. I just know you're going to be a great big sister!

You bought goggles the other day to go swimming. I'm convinced there is nothing cuter than you in your little swimsuit and your goggles. Unfortunately, I didn't have a camera when you were wearing your goggles and you are over them now so I don't know if the opportunity will arise to capture it on film, but I hope it does because it's a look I never want to forget.

You love to swim and you are pretty fearless in the water. You love to jump in the deep end and have Daddy catch you. You also love the hot tub. I think it's going to be such a fun summer this year.

I love you very much! Thanks for being such a sweetie pie, and a cutie, and a princess....

Love,
Mommy

Hunter Boy

Dear Hunter,
You are such a sweet little boy. I love thinking back to your first year and seeing you make some of the same faces now, finally knowing what those faces mean. I love how you still snuggle up to your brother when you fall asleep. You are such a sweet boy. You are gentle and kind. We like to call you a giant teddy bear... but don't wake the bear.

You rarely lose your temper, but when you do it isn't pretty. It's like you take all your pent up irritations and release them at one single moment. We've learned to give you space until you calm down, because nothing calms you down but time. You're a lot like your daddy in that regard, but don't tell him I told you that.

You're getting really excited for preschool graduation. You love surprising us. Every time Connor starts talking about the graduation you immediately start shushing him so that he doesn't ruin the surprise. For that reason, I love the wait almost as much as I'm going to love watching you sing on the stage! 

You're probably the most excited about the baby coming. You can't get over how big my belly is. You constantly want to put your hand on it to feel the baby kick. You also randomly come up to my belly, put your face directly on it, and start talking loudly to the baby. You say random things and then you look up at me with a huge smile on your face and say, "did he hear me?"

One day in the pool you were wrapping your legs around me and getting super excited. I told you to calm down because I didn't want you to kick the baby. You acknowledged what I said with concern and then a few seconds later said, "but the baby kicks me all the time?"


We've been going swimming at the Court Club almost every night and you have been trying so hard to learn how to swim. You were practically begging for me to sign you up for swim lessons because you could see the swim lessons happening at the other side of the pool. I did sign you up, but they don't start for another 7 weeks. You're actually learning a lot about swimming just from trying the things Daddy shows you in the pool. I love how proud of yourself you get when you learn something new. You practically burst with excitement that you mastered a new skill.

The other night we were in the deep end. You like to stand on the deck and jump in. Daddy catches you and then we help you to the side of the pool so you can do it again. I didn't see it happen because I was helping Connor, but apparently Kaylee decided it was time for you to jump and just shoved you hard into the pool. I turned around after the splash and saw you in a complete panic trying to pull your head up out of the water as Daddy rushed over to lift you up. You were only under for a second because Daddy was right there but it was enough to send you into a full blown panic. To make sure you calmed down quickly Daddy just started telling you what a good job you did swimming to the top and what a great swimmer you were becoming. You calmed down very quickly, got out, and continued jumping.

Fast forward to the next day... Hunter says to Daddy, "remember when Kaylee pushed me into the pool and I just swam right up all on my own? I am such a good swimmer, I don't even need your help anymore."

Daddy and I were giggling as Daddy whispered to me, "Funny, that is not how I remember it going down." We then had a good laugh about how "independent" you've become. One day you won't need us for anything anymore. We know that. We're hoping that day is a little ways away yet. We're also hoping that when that day comes you'll still come to us even though you don't really "need" us. We will always be here to pull you up, regardless of the depth of the water.

We love you so much! Thanks for making every day so much fun.
Mommy

The First Time Out

Dear Connor,

You had your first time out at preschool this week. You've been going to preschool since you were two and this is the very first one you've ever had and you took it really hard. I could tell something was wrong when I picked you up from school. Then in the car you told me, "I got a five minute time out today."

I asked you what happened and then Hunter chimed in with the whole big story about how you jumped on his back on the playground and the teachers made you sit by the fence for five minutes. Then we had this conversation:

"Connor, why don't you tell me what happened."
"Hunter just told you."
"I want to hear it from you."
"OK. I jumped on his back."

You had so much attitude in that little voice it was actually hard not to laugh. We told you if there was a time out at school that meant a consequence at home and so I told you that your consequence would be going to bed twenty minutes early and missing Ninja Turtles. You were so upset. We ended up having to call Daddy and have Daddy try to calm you down from work. You were a little better after naps but still upset about getting in trouble. Daddy and I felt bad that you put yourself through so much mental anguish that we decided to tell you we were proud of you for telling us you got a time out on your own and for admitting your mistake and we were going to let this one be a lesson all on its own and allow you to watch Ninja Turtles. I've never seen you smile so big.

Fast forward to the end of the week. It was about an hour before school and I asked you and Hunter to do your homework. You both said you didn't want to. I told you that it was your choice to do your homework or not. You specifically told me that you didn't want to miss out on your play time and you were choosing not to do it. I just said ok and left it at that. While you were in preschool Daddy and I talked about it and came up with a plan. When we picked you up we asked you if you got a sucker for turning in your homework.

"No. I didn't do my homework. Remember?"
"Oh that's right, you didn't want to miss out on your play time."

Daddy then goes on to inform you and Hunter that we would not be making lunch when we get home because we did not want to miss our play time. The rest of the conversation was happening very quickly with Mommy and Daddy both trying to make our point, you were trying to find a loop hole, and Hunter was listening intently. This is  basic gist...

"Then who will make me lunch?"

"You will."

"Then how will I watch TV?"

"You'll have to get your lunch made quickly I guess because you might run out of time to watch TV since it's almost nap time."

"Well I guess I won't take a nap then so I can watch TV."

"That's a choice you'll have to make, but if you don't take a nap you don't get to go swimming tonight."

"That's not fair."

"It's not fair that Mommy and Daddy always have to be responsible but you get to play all the time."

"Then I just won't eat lunch and I'll watch TV."

"You could do that, but you'll be awfully hungry. What do you think your body needs more, TV or lunch?"

"Fine. I guess I'll just go straight to sleep with no lunch or TV."

"These are all valid options Connor, you'll just have to decide what the most responsible thing to do is."

"Well, I know how to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

"I'm not sure if we have any bread, but you can check when we get home."

"We could stop at the store and get bread on the way home."

"We could, but then I'd miss my play time. I don't want to stop at the store. I just want to go home and play."

"THEN WHAT AM I GOING TO EAT?"

"I'm not sure."

When we got home, I began making Kaylee's lunch and Daddy made a big scene about how he was going to go play because he didn't feel like making any lunch. Hunter began getting a chair to bring into the kitchen so he could make himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. We did have bread to everyone's relief. I had the jar of peanut butter in my hand and you asked, "Can I have that?"

I told you no because I was using it but you could have the very next turn with it. That sent you over the deep end. The next thing I knew you were sitting on the stairs in full pout mode and there were two slices of bread sitting on the ground in front of the fridge. I almost stepped on them just so I could tell you it wasn't a good idea to leave the bread on the ground in front of the fridge but I didn't want a complete melt down so I just told you it was a bad idea and warned you someone might step on them.

I'm not sure how you actually ended up with a sandwich on your plate and in front of the TV, but you did in fact get your own lunch made and you got to watch your show before nap time. You were pretty proud of yourself. Daddy and I thought the whole thing was rather funny, and we're not anticipating any more issues with choose "not" to do homework for awhile.

I love you sweet boy. All the time. Regardless of a time out at preschool, or when we're learning lessons the hard way- I always love you.

Mommy. 

Dear Baby...

Dear Baby,

Are you a Rusty or a Chloe? We're just not super sure. The first time we got an ultrasound you were in a position we couldn't see. The second time we got the ultrasound you had your legs closed so tight they couldn't get a picture, and the third time Dr. Smith and I thought for sure we saw that you were a little boy but you wouldn't hold still long enough to be 100 percent certain. I've been holding off on writing this until I knew for sure, but I can't wait any longer. I'm so excited to meet you and so excited to hold you. There is less than 9 weeks left and even though I know how fast time truly goes, I also know how long it can feel.

This has been such an amazing year. It started over a year ago. Mommy and Daddy decided they would like to have another baby. Mommy started going to the doctor to lose weight and get her body ready for the fertility drugs that we would for sure need. It took several months to get ready for the fertility drugs, but when we were finally ready we were hopeful that the clomid would work. Month after month, it didn't. I wish I could say that I wasn't frustrated but I was. I was so frustrated. Finally, Dr. Smith said that the clomid wasn't going to work and we would need to move on to stronger fertility treatments. Daddy and I knew we would never do anything more than clomid. I was so upset we didn't get pregnant. I decided that I would sell all of our baby stuff so that I wouldn't have to look at it anymore. The three children that we already had filled our hearts so full and brought so much joy to our home that we couldn't help but want a fourth. It was September when I began selling all our stuff. it was the beginning of October when I had finally accepted that having another baby would not be happening. It was the middle of October and I had a bladder infection. A pretty bad infection. I went to urgent care where they confirmed it and they prescribed me an antibiotic. As he handed me the prescription the doctor said to me, "Do not take this if you are pregnant."

I laughed, assured him I wasn't pregnant, and headed to the pharmacy. When I got to the pharmacy I handed him the prescription and did a little shopping while I waited for it to be filled. It had been a good hour before I had left urgent care and actually had the prescription in my hand. I was holding the bag and the pharmacist wouldn't let the bag go. He said to me, very seriously, "Do not take this if you are pregnant."

I laughed and assured him I wasn't pregnant. As I was walking away I had this uneasy feeling. Something about hearing that same phrase two times in an hour from two different people, something about the way the pharmacist said it...

I grabbed a pregnancy test on the way out of the store. I went straight home and took the test. Within seconds it was positive. I can't explain how excited I was. I immediately called the doctor and told them I needed a new prescription because I was in fact, PREGNANT!  Daddy was even more excited. He wanted to tell everyone right away and we ended up going to dinner with Grandma and Grandpa Allen that night at Twigs to share the news.

What's even more amazing? When we went in for our first doctor appointment they did an ultrasound to determine the due date. You weren't there yet. Making it almost unbelievable that I was able to get a positive home pregnancy test when I did. They ordered another ultrasound for about a week later and there you finally were. Not only did God bless us with a baby in HIS timing but he also told us about His blessing in His timing. Had I not gotten the same message from two different people I may not have taken a test and I may have taken antibiotics that could have changed the way this story turned out.

We love you already, so very much. We can't wait to meet you. Now, if you'd just let us know for sure what you are- I could start washing clothes. What am I saying? I suppose we'll find out when He is ready for us to know for sure. God is so good!

All my love,
Mommy