Mamma said there'd be days like this....

One of my worst days as a new mother... I took this picture to document it!

Dear Hunter and Connor,

It's only 10:30 am and already it has been an incredibly long day! It could be because we didn't sleep well last night. It seemed like someone was either coughing, kicking, or crying last night. It could be because when you woke up you both immediately began throwing tantrums. It could be because Mommy and Daddy both don't feel very well today either. It could be that it's just one of those days....

We woke up this morning and instantly I should have known that it wasn't going to be a great day. Normally you would have snuggled with me, giggled, pretended to tickle us, and we would have spent 10 minutes or more just laying there together. Today you woke up and just climbed out of bed. We walked to the playroom and I immediately began getting your milk warmed up. Some mornings you play with your toys and watch Sesame Street during the three short minutes it takes me to get your breakfast ready, but today you stood by the microwave and just cried and howled the entire three minutes.

Every other day of the week you guys eat your breakfast and I clean the kitchen. Today you stood by the gate and just shook it and cried. You're not allowed to touch the gate due to the number of times you've worked together to rip it down, so this action resulted in a time out... more crying.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I went back to bed while Daddy watched you. Exactly an hour later... I woke up to more crying! I went to the playroom and Daddy said it was time to put you down for a nap. So.... two diapers, an eye drop struggle, and a nose wipe later we were all back in bed trying to get you back to sleep. It took 15 minutes of crying, squirming, and flopping before you gave in and your eyes shut.

As I type this you are both snuggled up with Daddy in the bedroom. I get so frustrated with the crying some days. It feels like it will never end. I don't understand why after 15 months of the same breakfast routine there are still days when you panic and you act like you truly think that I'm not going to feed you.

On days like this it's hard to remember that you're still only one. That your behavior is not only normal but actually to be expected. And then... I watch you sleep with Daddy. You'll stretch in just the right way that you look exactly like the first time I laid eyes on you or you'll take a deep breath and hum as you let it out the same way you did when I first held you.

I know that there will be more days like this... but as I watch you sleep I also know that they will pass just like all the others and soon you won't be one anymore... you'll be all grown up and I'll be wishing that I could hear you cry as I snuggle you to sleep or hand you a sippy cup when you're so panicked that your hand is shaking. And so unfortunately... this day too will pass.

I love you and love you... even on days like this.

Mommy